Born in Tokyo in the 1960's to Canadian missionary parents, I was sent away to a very strict boarding school at age five. I came home with welts and bruises but lied to my parents about how they happened. I felt abandoned. I planned how I would run away, but never did. Laying awake at night praying that something - anything - would happen so that we could move back to Canada.

Soon, my father became very ill. He was sent back to Canada for tests and was admitted for cancer surgery. He nearly died -- and I felt so guilty. Only a child, I thought that I had caused my Dad's cancer!

After my dad recuperated, we moved a lot. I never had the chance to build close friendships and distanced myself emotionally from everyone around me -- especially my mother. Our relationship became very tense -- I figured she had given up the right to tell me what to do when she sent me away to school.

My dad became our mediator but soon became ill again. After about a year, the doctors discovered an inoperable tumour at the base of his spine. My mother started psychiatric nurses' training full-time, to be certain of work if my father died. I looked after my dad and we became really close. At the same time, I was often left on my own, so I turned to my friends at school. My best friend's mother was a white witch, and we began to study the magic arts. We felt very grown-up and started smoking and drinking on a regular basis. By age fourteen, we were also skipping school to use drugs.

Then my father died.

I felt only two things: an incredible emptiness and a raging anger at God. I threw myself into a full-scale, slow suicide. I ran away from home twice and lived with a man who was heavily involved in the occult. I felt trapped. I started reading my Tarot cards -- 2, 4, 6 times a day -- to know what was happening or going to happen in my life. At the age of 17 I offered my life to the devil -- believing that Satanism would give me everything I wanted. I lived with a few different men and my mom began begging me to come home. I finally did. I tried to live differently, but inside I was still a mess.

At eighteen, I met a man twice my age who played in a famous rock band. We started investigating spirituality together -- Buddhism, Hinduism, Shinto and then my own childhood faith. We ended up going to a Christian church one night, and I remember that I ran out in a state of panic. I realized that I had found answers there, but I was scared. After all I had done, why would God even want me?

I flew to Japan and did a lot of soul searching and finally came to the conclusion that I would have to earn my way back into God's favour. After I came back to Canada, I met a man named Robin. We decided to live together. We struggled to live good lives but no matter what we did, or how hard we tried, we could not change ourselves or each other. So we decided to start attending church.

One night it felt like we were the only two people there. The speaker's main idea was this: you cannot earn your way to God. Suddenly, I remembered something that had happened during a typhoon my second year at boarding school. The trees were swaying, big branches were cracking off and I could hear the huge old trees outside our bedroom groaning and creaking. I was terrified! That night I remembered what I had heard about Jesus -- that He loved us and that, if I died, He would take me to a really great place called Heaven. Well it looked then like it might just be my last night on earth, so I prayed and I asked Him if He would come into my life. I fell asleep feeling confident He was there. The next morning we got up to look at the damage the storm had done and I knew God had protected us.

I had tried to push Him out of my life, but He had never let me go!

I have NEVER felt so in control, since He has been in the driver's seat. I finally found true shelter and I will never be alone again. I have a great relationship with my mom; she is my best friend next to my husband, Robin. For once I love myself and I can truly love others, because I know what love is. Jesus showed me, and He has never stopped showing me.

Are you running for shelter from life's many storms? Are you tired of being buffeted by the winds and waves of circumstance? There is a shelter. He is waiting for you to come in.You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. Here's a suggested prayer:

Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Savior and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of woman you want me to be.

If this prayer expresses the desire of your heart, pray it right now and Christ will come into your life as He promised. If you invited Jesus Christ into your life, thank God often that He is in your life, that He will never leave you (Hebrews 13:5) and that you have eternal life. As you learn more about your relationship with God, and how much He loves you, you'll experience life to the fullest.

We at Journey of Joy would love to hear from you! If you prayed this prayer, please let us know. We will e-mail you some helpful information and respond personally to your questions.